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Mary-Ruth has somewhat found herself not liking xanga anymore and so ALL the weblogs can be found at

www.or-kim.blogspot.com

Take care,

M-R

I’m sick of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life/Church book. It’s like the new Bible or something. Everyone is recommending it –everyone in church, youth, CF, youth camps, conferences, bookshops, Bible studies, even Sunday sermons- I think I’ll go mad if anyone else tells me one more time “it’s a very very good book, you should read it”.  

Sure, the book’s fine as a devotional book or for reflections. But doing Bible study referring to the book? Basing your sermon the book? Isn’t that a bit too much? My church’s membership class is based on the Purpose Driven Church. Last year’s church camp was all about the 5 fold Purpose Driven Ministry. The answer to one of the cell group Bible study question had to be found inside the Purpose Driven Church book.

A lady who accepted Christ thru one of the SU camps during her teens (in the 1970’s), told me that they used to read stuff by AW Tozer and CS Lewis during their teens, which is a wow. I think the only spiritual “food” teenagers get nowadays is from the praise and worship. We certainly do not listen to sermons (well maybe we listen, but it’s not food-y) and honestly how many of us do our daily devotion without fail?

New years are supposed to be started new, with an empty brain, waiting to take on all the studies; Started new with resolutions that are never kept. To enter a new phase of your life with a fresh start, aren't they?  However, for me the start of 2005 hasn't been fantastic. In fact, it's been pretty disappointing.

I got okay results for PMR but I was irresponsible (totally my fault) and as a result, got into a class with no friends. The irresponsible mistake cost me a lot of guilt and frustration. First days of school are supposed to be for catching up with classmates again, you know. And my dad was pretty disappointed with me, for my mistake. For me, there's nothing more heart-breaking then seeing my dad disappointed in me. It's as if I've failed him or something, and in someway, failed God big time, since God says we're not supposed to fail our parents. It's all connected. That pulled me down bad.

In the end, I asked God to please help me change my class to where all my former classmates were, and I got in, which was really great and I thank my parents and friends for praying so very hard. Nothing ever seemed to satisfy me though, 'cos when I got into the class I wanted, all my friends were off in their own worlds. I feel isolated somehow- everyone is in pairs, with their partners. And when I join in, I always feel I'm intruding something. That got me down again.

But I'm fine with everything now, Jesus has been a big help. I'm aware that friends are very undependable sometimes and only God can help me, even though it might be all psychological.

Besides that whole teenager @ school issue, I miss my brother awfully. He went back to uni after a whole month here. I seem to be going crazy at everything single thing. I burst out at my dad today, and he said I mistreated him as a father. Which was really sad, again. 'Cos it hurts me to see him feel that way, I really never meant to. I respect him and love him with all my heart. It always pains me to see him giddy everyday and unable to work and lying in bed with a fever. And when he said I mistreated him, I felt so bad and guilty. Sometimes I wonder whether he feels he has failed as a dad. He always jokes about it though. I really do not want him to feel like that cos I know he's done a fantastic and marvelous job as a parent. It's just sometimes I get so upset and frustrated I burst out accidentally and he gets the wrong message.

Dad, I'm so sorry for all the stupid things and decisions I've made these past weeks. I really respect me and would do anything else in the world than to mistreat you as my father. I know you don't have my blog address, but I can't say these things to you. I can't let out my emotions and thoughts through speech. I need to write a letter to you, to tell you I love you, and I'm trying to be the daughter that the greatest dad would have.

Mary-Ruth

*note: I’m referring to dad, as in my parent, and not God, my heavenly Father.